Pinkexpressions's Blog

I Deserve

pinkexpressions — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:37:25 +0000

I deserve more than what has been offered! That’s why people remain single! There’s no need to settle. In my eyes, that’s a waste of time because its hard to be happy in that situation. I think our generation sees things so differently that the ideas of courting, loving, and marriage have changed and maybe for the worse. Do these things still exist? I wouldn’t know lol but it feels like they don’t. Is there so many women that men don’t have to chose? Idk…the verdict is still out! I just think there have been so many changes in the way we view relationships and how or if they’re appreciated. For me, I think I know what love is and feels like but would love to experience it again. Until it actually happens, I observe the relationships around me and make sure that I don’t wish for something I don’t want! Lol I just wish men appreciated women a little more despite the increase of thirsty women with low standards.

So many things!

pinkexpressions — Wed, 11 May 2011 23:44:00 +0000

I started this entry with a statement that I had to delete. I just couldn’t. It was about someone who I wish I could stop thinking about. I’m working on it! I’m actually having writer’s block because I have so much on my mind. I need to paint! Oh, that’s what I’m gonna talk about: being too kind. I recently painted for a friend. Something I never do. I didn’t think it was possible…but it happened. With the help of my creative friend’s input, the piece came out better than I imagined. The problem; I felt conflicted. I felt good about the piece but I doubt my friend understands the emotions that the piece reflects nor do I think its appreciated. I guess it doesn’t matter if I did this out of the kindness of my heart but we don’t even talk like that. Maybe I can’t consider them a friend. Ah well.

Moving on, I got a call from the oncologist. My heart hit the floor. Words cannot describe how I feel right now. I refuse to even deal with it. I. Just. Can’t. I find it easier to just get through it opposed to think about it and accept it. I’m scared to death. I have tried to reach out and talk to someone very close to me but now they won’t talk to me at all. So…I just keep it moving. Function as if its normal. I’m not in pain nor am I suffering per se. I don’t look sick and I can’t feel it. I have some other complications but nothing that I can’t handle. I just want to be healthy. That’s all. Pray for me.

I think I’ve done enough reflecting on this site and you all get my drift about love and relationships but…I love love. I love to see people in love and love to be surrounded by love. I love to love but I also have to love myself just as much. Especially when people leave your corner when you need them most. Good thing is, I understand that some people can’t handle actually FEELING for someone specifically when it requires them to ACT like they care. It’s cool, I may not have someone to love in the physical but God…If I could really tell you how I’m making it!!! It’s only by my faith. If my walls could talk or if I could really express my thoughts, I think people would have a different kind of understanding about me. But that doesn’t matter either. Ah well.

S/n, I can’t wait til it gets hot! All I want to do is workout and sun bathe! I want to be on someone’s beach! I’ve already started working out again. Waiting on some more motivation lol By the way, this PMS is kicking my butt! I baked a whole cake just to have a slice! I can’t eat the cake because I’m working on eating healthier. So…I just stare at it and try to find ways to give it to people. I also cry. A lot. I cry during every tv show and movie I watch, even when its just me and my thoughts! Lol I blame Eve.

Til later,

J. Street

What I want…

pinkexpressions — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:43:00 +0000

I want someone who will love me unconditionally! Someone who accepts me flaws and all. I want that old school loving where the man WANTS to do things for the woman. I want someone who thinks I’m beautiful with no makeup and natural hair. I want a man that loves a thick woman like me. One with DDs, thick thighs, and at least a little booty. Lol I want a man who isn’t afraid to love and express his appreciation for his woman. I want a God fearing, hard working, confident, full of flaws type of man. I want a man who isn’t afraid to be huMan. Not afraid to make mistakes or fall short. I want a man who is comfortable in his own skin and supports his woman in all of her endeavors. I want a man who isn’t afraid to chase his dreams and stay with his woman as she chase hers. I want a good love. Not perfect, but good. The type of love that teaches us how to coexist. The type of love that is created for me and my man. I could just be dreaming…I hope I’m not asking for too much…LOL

Mandivas

pinkexpressions — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 22:58:56 +0000

So recently, I was having a conversation with a man who was about 32 years old. He spoke about how it blows his mind that there are so many single professional women and can’t figure out why. I explained to him that men don’t chase anymore. It’s like they’re high maintenance and requires women to chase them. One point that he made that stuck with me was that nowadays, women are very aggressive and don’t require men to chase them. I find some validity with that but at the same time, I don’t fit that type. I don’t chase. I recently gave my number to a man because I had some tequilla to help me lol however; I normally wouldn’t do so unless I’m asked. This person in particular just had this thing about him that I couldn’t ignore. The bigger issue is, what happens afterwards? He may do the initial calling and texting but when is it okay for the woman to call or text without seeming thirsty? I don’t want to search for my husband. It doesn’t feel right and really just don’t have the time! I spend my time trying to prepare myself and to get where I need to be in life. Maybe I have this idea about how dating should be and I’m scared. Who knows? I clearly don’t lol Either way, I don’t like how the roles have changed. Another point that this man made was that no one believes in old-fashioned dating and courting. I couldn’t agree more!!! It’s been ions since I’ve been on a date! I don’t even know what it feels like! I know I sound dramatic but it’s my truth. I think that because men don’t court women like they used to, the norm has been lost. Women are treated to good manners or a nice outing besides dinner and a movie. Now granted, there are some men out there that extend themselves but they are very far and few or married. So, do you think men are too high maintenance and have reversed roles now or are women just too damn thirsty due to the shortage of men? Thoughts?

Til Later,

J. Street

Foolish

pinkexpressions — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 20:08:55 +0000

How can I be so damn foolish? I am very much aware of the circumstances and I knew what I was doing from the jump. Most people learn their lesson after the second or third round but I keep coming back! So frustrated!

I know I haven’t posted any new blogs in a while but I couldn’t take it anymore. Every time I make some kind of progress, I regress into my old ways. I guess we all have our moments where we lose sight of our selves and do some of the most foolish things. I am so angry at myself that I can barely function today. That right there screams help! I had to take a pause for the cause! I refuse to let these feelings dictate what kind of day I will have! Well, most of the day is gone but I still have a lot to do! So guess what I am going to? I’m going to say fuck this shit! lol Gotta let it go! I can preach about it all day but it’s time for me to “do”.

Sorry for the rant lol but I promise to come back!

Back by Popular Demand!

pinkexpressions — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:02:33 +0000

So apparently, there are people out there who actually read all of my blogs! I feel the love! So much has transpired since the last time I even logged in. However, I want to focus on (drum roll please) Forgiveness. I’ve noticed that people have a really hard time forgiving which fuels unnecessary drama. I’ve been drama free for the past couple of months and I must admit, it feels good. My secret, saying prayer of Serenity every day. I think before I speak and ensure that I don’t say anything negative. It works! Any who, I appreciate those who can forgive. You don’t have to necessarily forget, but forgive and accept others for their faults. To be human is to be imperfect. If you consider yourself a good friend, husband, wife, mother, daughter, etc…the ability to forgive is vital. No relationship is perfect. Patience, understanding, and guidance are necessary. I wish I could reach out and touch someone just to pass this gift along. I have my moments but ultimately, I achieve forgiveness as I would want others to do for me. Even for those whom I don’t associate with anymore, I have no hard feelings and don’t care for blasting them on the internet. For those who I may have done harm to, I ask to be forgiven. If not, there is nothing that I can do. There is so much going on in life that focusing on the negative should not be an option. I’m still learning. I give it a valiant effort everyday and it’s not easy! People push you just to see you fail but you achieve more when you remain persistent. The Law of the Universe is alive and well. Don’t knock it ’til you try it!

Til Later,

J. Street

Let Me Go…

pinkexpressions — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:17:04 +0000

Sometimes its best to let go. We all experience the feeling of fear when questioning whether something is worth hanging on to. I don’t believe in letting someone go to see if they will come back. Letting go is necessary when your happiness is being compromised or when you’re not giving 100%. Why waste time? If time is of the essence, act like it! If your current situation requires you to subject one to a limited amount of your time, let that person go. Feelings and fear prevents us from walking away from whats not good for us. It doesn’t have to be a person, it could be a job, an organization, a family situation, or even a goal. Anything worth your time deserves a valiant effort. It’s the whole idea of “go hard or go home.” When giving an effort, do it with passion, ambition, and all honesty. The simple fact that you have given your all softens the blow if it doesn’t work out. You know that you’ve done all that you can and just maybe, it’s not meant to be. However, don’t let fear get in the way and prevent you from doing so. If you decided to do something, don’t second guess yourself. Make your final decision and move from there.

Lets say you are in a relationship and you’re the one who isn’t giving your all, why not let that person be happy and move on? When love creates patience, sometimes it takes the other person to end it. Not necessarily for their own good but for their partner. It’s not going to feel good at the time but later on down the line, you will see that somethings are just for the best despite the initial burn that it may cause.

Just a random thought…

Hhhhmmmmmm…

pinkexpressions — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:39:43 +0000

Really wanted to post a new blog today. I have so much to say but it’s not coming out right :_( Any who, I was just sitting here in class(lol) thinking about what I am going to do next. I’ve noticed that I don’t necessarily have clear goals set for myself. Of course, I plan to succeed and complete my educational journey. However, I’m working sooooo hard to become successful in a field that absolutely drains me! I question whether it’s my calling or not. I’m never jumping up for joy to drive into the security gates of the maximum security girl’s home where my office(in the basement of the chapel) is located. I dread checking my voicemail/e-mail. I listen for my supervisor’s footsteps so that I can change the tab on my computer lol. The confusing thing about this is, I love the children I work with. I get choked up when they are hurting or even when they are extremely happy. I am an expert at compassion. I am very personable with those that I work with. I have great professional relationships at my job and the endless supportive services. So my question remains, am I doing the right thing. There is nothing that I do in the life that I love except for just that, love. I’m not that fashionable, I’m not the PR girl, I absolutely loathe politics/law, I have the worst memory, and I’m not that organized. What the hell do you do with that? lol I like to paint(when emotional), I do hair because I can, I write blogs because I get a thrill from checking my stats lol, I’m part of various organizations because it keeps me busy and teaches me a lot, but I’m just not satisfied! YIKES!!! How’s that coming from a soon-to-be THERAPIST? At least I can identify my strengths and weaknesses lol.

Ah well, on to the next one I guess lol…

Dreams

pinkexpressions — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 17:45:13 +0000

What I see in my dreams always finds a way to appear. However, when they do, it’s not always what I thought they would be. With that said, all of my life I have waited for this one dream to come true. Well, it did but it was nothing that I imagined! It was instant and unreal. I’ve never felt these particular feelings before but I can now handle them. All is well. The lesson that I have learned is that as humans, we create thoughts and feelings about the unknown which always sets the bar higher for what we expect. What people project will cause you to think about what you once thought very highly of. Life is short, so live and learn. I never have regrets and I can at least say that I tried something by taking a risk. :*)

Heavy

pinkexpressions — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:10:59 +0000

Gravity makes me feel 10x my weight

Everytime I move forward, I feel a tug from behind

When will this end?

I am Strong…

but I can’t hold on any longer

When will HE come to push me?

Higher and beyond this pain that has encompassed me

the weights on my ankles won’t let me run

My heart feels like its carrying a ton of water

Release me.